First, allow me to apologize for not posting lately, but that has a lot to do with what this submission is about.
This one is personal, so it's not easy for me to write about, but I feel like I have to speak about it.
As some of you know, I've found myself with a lot more responsibility at the parish lately. Some of you may not know, but John Murray is no longer serving in the capacity of parish services coordinator. A lot has changed in a very short period of time. As we wrap up the Christmas services here, I'm finally allowing myself a chance to exhale and take it all in. John is a very good friend of mine, my fraternity brother, a mentor, and the first person to connect me to a deeper relationship with the Queen community. I am forever grateful to what he has done and what I know he has yet to do.
This post isn't about him though. As I said, it's about change.
Change is hard and most of time unwanted. I find myself turning to my favorite part of Pope Clement XI's prayer:
I want whatever you want,
Because you want it,
The way that you want it,
As long as you want it.
I always found that last line to be the most haunting. It's really hard to answer God's call most of the time. It's even harder when you've answered it, and he says, "That's it. That's all I wanted you to do." How do we move on? How do we learn to trust that voice again, when we've been on the fast track of doing God's will? Usually, answering this call means moving forward. It's really tough, when we have to leave something behind. Personally, I've struggled with why Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt just for simply looking back at Sodom and Gomorrah. It's starting to make sense now through the lens of God's eye. We can't look back. To dwell on the past, whether regretfully or nostalgically, can hold us back. God is constantly calling us to work on being the best version of ourselves. It is impossible that that version of us can be in the past. It's not even in the future. Since God is eternal, he is always in the "now". He wants us to strive to make decisions in every moment that choose Him. It's so simple. It's binary. Like how computers work. It's either on or off; for us it's either yes or no. There's no grey area. There's no in between. We're either choosing God's plan or we aren't. This is the trickiest part if free will. But it's such an honor, that God loves us so much that he allows us to play a role in the Beatific Vision, in the Salvation Story.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know the journey will be worth it. I think about my friend often. I miss having my friend around, as I'm sure he misses being here in his role. I'm stressed out by the enormity of it all. I still grapple daily with the responsibility I've been entrusted with. But numerous people believe that I can, and most importantly, God believes that I can. So I will move forward, without hesitation, without looking back.